If you’re naturally drawn to helping others heal, this article might save you years of your life.

I used to think my pattern of attracting troubled partners was bad luck. Ten years with a covert narcissist. Two years defending myself against constant projection. Multiple relationships before and after that where I somehow became responsible for someone else’s emotional wellbeing. And we’re not just talking about romance — this applies to friendships too.

Beware! It wasn’t bad luck. It was like a glaring beacon was emitting energetically above me saying “find your happiness here,” and I didn’t know I was broadcasting.

The Subtle Hook

Energy vampires don’t announce themselves. They don’t show up saying “I’m here to drain your life force.” Instead, they present as wounded souls who just need a little support. Someone who appreciates our caring nature. Someone who makes us feel special for being so understanding.

Read that last part again: someone who makes us feel special for being so understanding.

The hook is almost always the same. They position us as their source of healing. Not their therapist, not their support system — us, specifically, we have something magical that helps them feel better.

And we, being the kind empathic souls that we are, happily accept the position.

Sound familiar?

How It Starts and Progresses

They share their trauma story. Be it emotional, physical, or a combination of happenstance, it’s a sad story and there’s the emotional opening when we resonate with this. This story is not shared for connection — its main purpose (consciously or subconsciously by them) is to establish us as their emotional caretaker. They’re testing: Will we take responsibility for their pain?

Next, small requests for support become daily needs. “You’re the only one who understands me.” “I’m so much happier since meeting you.” They tell us everything that is bothering them without asking how our day was. We feel responsible for providing them uplifting energy and support, putting aside our own needs. Translation: We’re now their emotional life support system.

As time progresses, our advice and connection becomes their lifeline. Our mood, and more importantly how we respond to their needs, affects their entire day. We start feeling fully responsible for their wellbeing.

The longer we’re part of this scheme, we end up completely drained, making excuses for their behavior, and somehow we’re the problem when we try to set boundaries.

The progression is so gradual that we don’t notice we’ve become someone’s energy supply until we’re already trapped.

Why Empaths Are Targeted

Energy drainers don’t target weak people. They target people with abundant life force:

• Light carriers who generate their own inner joy and stability

• Natural healers who feel called to help others

• Empaths who easily absorb and process emotions

• Stable people who have their lives together

We have what they lack, and instead of doing their own inner work, they’ve learned to feed off others who have done theirs.

The Energy Transfer

Here’s what’s actually happening. Every time we take responsibility for their emotions, we’re transferring our energy to them. Every time we try to fix their problems, we’re giving them our life force. Every time we make excuses for their behavior, we’re depleting ourselves to maintain their comfort.

Meanwhile, they’re getting energized by our attention while contributing nothing to our wellbeing.

This isn’t love. It’s parasitism.

Red Flags of Energy Vampirism

Early warning signs

• Something feels off in our gut, we can’t quite figure out what that is

• We second guess our instincts because we feel sorry for their struggles

• They mirror our activities, likes, dislikes; adding very little of their own (if any)

• They share deep trauma unusually quickly

• We feel responsible for their emotional state

• They make us their primary source of support

• Our energy feels different after spending time with them

• They resist getting professional help or are “planning on it” but not acting on it

Advanced warning signs (it’s not too late to choose ourselves and get out!)

• We’re walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting them

• We feel guilty when we prioritize our own needs

• We’re constantly explaining their behavior to others or covering for them

• We feel drained after conversations that should feel good

• They create crisis after crisis that only we can solve

Breaking the Cycle

Step 1: Recognize the pattern. We’re not saving anyone. We’re enabling energy theft.

Step 2: Stop being an emotional manager. Their feelings are their responsibility, not ours.

Step 3: Require people to do their own healing work. Suggest therapy, but don’t become their substitute therapist.

Step 4: Protect our energy like the precious resource it is. Not everyone deserves access to our light.

Step 5: Trust our gut when something feels “off.” Our energy knows before our mind does.

The Hard Truth

People who are truly ready to heal don’t look for others to do their emotional work for them. They get professional help, they do the inner work, they heal, and they show up as whole people in relationships.

Energy vampires aren’t looking to heal. They’re looking for renewable energy sources. Something to fill their hole of sadness, loneliness, and needs. 

Our compassion is not a weakness, but it becomes one when we don’t protect it with boundaries!

Enforcing a boundary will NEVER be respected with one of these folks. They will always come back with a reason why our boundary was broken, minimize it, or gaslight us straight out of holding them accountable and maintaining our boundary. Then comes the guilt. Manipulation. The claws are set and we have a hard time saying no and hurting someone else's feelings, especially when it is so confusing.

Moving Forward

The goal isn’t to stop caring about people. It’s not to stop healing people that are doing their own hard work and lifting themselves up in the process. Helping people is good, but helping the wrong people is dangerous to our own wellbeing.

Our mission is to stop letting people make us responsible for their emotional wellbeing. It’s to recognize the difference between supporting someone’s growth and becoming their energy supply.

We can be compassionate without being depleted. We can help others without sacrificing ourselves. We can love people without fixing them.

Our light is meant to illuminate our own path first. Only then can we choose to share it with people who add to our energyrather than drain it.